The Power of Rituals for Self-Care in Midlife
Midlife can often feel like a rollercoaster ride you accidentally ended up taking. One minute you’re cruising along quite contentedly in your thirties, not feeling overly concerned about aging, and the next minute you’re in your mid-40s and you’re gripping on for dear life. Hormones, aging parents, an empty nest, looming retirement, financial concerns and physical changes are just some of the not-so-smooth transitions we might experience in these middle years.
Navigating this stage of life, and all its complexities, requires us to prioritize our well-being in a way we might have skimped on in our younger years. We need something more substantial than fleeting self-care practices that aren’t truly filling our cup.
As an introvert, my self-care has almost always looked like blocks of quiet time where I get to restore and recharge my batteries away from the crowd. Given that I’ve spent most of my life living in two of the busiest cities in the world, London and New York, it’s been essential for me to weave in that solitude.
Eight months before my 50th birthday, my husband and I left our vibrant and chaotic neighborhood of Jackson Heights in Queens to move to the woods in Upstate New York. Despite the unexpected overwhelm that a midlife move triggered (I moved home 15 times before turning 40 and this one was definitely different) it felt like an instant balm to be out of the city. Perimenopause has seen me struggle with anxiety and my need for peace and space has intensified.
It’s interesting what can happen when we get what we want.
I’d thought that meeting my need for more nature and less people was the only remedy I really needed to feel a greater sense of balance. And although that has proven to be true in many ways, I’ve been feeling a distinct pull to go deeper.
A month or two after the move, I realized that honoring my needs wasn’t just about having more alone time, it was about doing something meaningful within that time. Not something productive, but something intentional.
I think this is true for many of us midlife women. It’s not simply more space we need, or even more support (although, of course, yes please). It’s a deeper connection with ourselves and the world around us. A connection that isn’t rooted in doing more, or being more, but one that’s focused on cultivating more meaning amidst the everyday and ordinary.
It’s about feeling grounded and tethered, rather than scattered and uncertain. It’s about creating a container for that uncomfortable “Now what?” query to rise up through the rubble, and actually allow our bodies time and space to offer an answer.
Yoga is a practice I’ve enjoyed for many years. I did a brief stint of teaching vinyasa flow twelve years ago before being honest with myself that the mechanics of yoga and anatomy wasn’t my thing. I wasn’t inspired by the idea of having an in-depth knowledge of body structure. It was the ritual element I was drawn to.
Getting on my mat always felt like I was taking a step closer towards my spiritual self. Not because I could flow through asana with ease - that was far from my reality. I’ve never been able to do inversions and I was that teacher who literally crumbled in chaturanga.
It was more about presence. This was my time to partake in my own personal ceremony. A time that was a part of my regular day to day life, but also distinctly different because it held a significance that other routine practices didn’t.
Intention was the difference.
Showing up on my mat was one of the few times in my week that I truly tuned into how my body and spirit were feeling. I wasn’t on autopilot. I wasn’t overriding my emotions. I was permitting myself to be present to everything I was experiencing. And it created a powerful and tangible inner shift every time. It had little to do with what poses I could or couldn’t achieve, and everything to do with how mindful I was as I moved through each sequence.
Over the years, my practice increased or dwindled depending on what was happening in my world at the time. But in the months leading up to my 50th, I found myself craving more in the way of ritual. Not just when I was on my mat, but in more of my everyday life, too.
Rituals are intentional actions that hold significance.
They can sometimes be grand affairs that are symbolic on a large scale like wedding celebrations or graduation ceremonies, but they can also be everyday practices that help foster a sense of self-connection, like meditation, journaling, or making tea or food.
Earlier this year I began drinking bone broth as a way of incorporating more protein into my diet. I’d break my fast with the broth each day and try to savor each sip. But then I decided to take an extra step and create a ritual around this daily drink.
Instead of drinking the broth at my desk as I work, I sit on my yoga mat and I have a candle lit and soothing music playing. Before I take my first sip, I give thanks to nature, I give thanks to the women who came before me, I give thanks for all the women I’ve been before, and then I give thanks for the fuel I’m about to enjoy.
The whole ritual takes around 4 minutes from beginning to end, but it makes a huge difference to my day. The broth is the same, but the intentional way in which I drink it changes the entire experience.
Rituals create a softer, slower, rhythm that connects us to ourselves, allowing us to pause and reflect amidst all the hustle and bustle and noise. They offer us space, strength, and solace.
At a time in my life where there have been a lot of abrupt changes, both in my body and in my environment, having rituals to steady and soothe me has been instrumental in helping me establish a self-care routine that feels as though it’s truly sustaining me and not just skimming the surface.
I’ve since threaded a few more rituals into my days and weeks and they’ve helped to considerably lessen overwhelm in my life. The key is simplicity. I haven’t added a series of To-Do items to my list. The rituals I enjoy are about mindfulness rather than more. The importance of each ritual isn’t overly attached to what I’m doing, rather than the presence with which I do it. Anything can be a ritual if we approach it with intention.
Why Rituals Matter in Midlife
Midlife can bring a range of emotions. There might be excitement for new adventures, anxiety about changes, or even a sense of grief for what once was. Here’s how rituals can serve as a sanctuary through this unique phase of life:
1. Providing Stability
In a time when so much feels uncertain, rituals create a rhythm that instills a sense of control. Practices, such as meditation, movement, or creative expression can become anchors that keep us centered.
2. Fostering Reflection
Rituals offer us the space to pause and reflect on our journey. Daily, weekly, or seasonal rituals can help us process feelings, celebrate milestones, or set the foundation for the direction we wish to go in moving forward.
3. Encouraging Self-Expression
Engaging in creative rituals such as painting, dancing, or crafting, allows for expressive freedom. It’s a vital outlet for the emotions that can sometimes surface during midlife shifts.
4. Building Community
Sharing rituals with friends or family fosters connection and support. Being part of a gathering or a club offers an opportunity to engage in meaningful conversations and reinforce bonds.
I’ve explored a number of different rituals, but the ones that have had a true impact are those that I feel intuitively drawn to, and that naturally align with my values.
Sometimes the passing trend or the popular practice isn’t a fit for everyone. For example, I’ve dipped in and out of Morning Pages, a daily artistic ritual from Julia Cameron that is made up of three pages of stream-of-consciousness writing, completed first thing in the morning. But often, three pages (and sometimes morning!) isn’t what works best for me.
The beauty of rituals lies in their flexibility; they can be what we need them to be, and they can evolve as we do. Again, it’s not the specific ritual itself but the significance it holds.
By investing time in intentional practices that feel accessible and aligned for us, we can create meaning in all the muddled mess of midlife, which will help carry us through to the next chapter with more courage and clarity.
If you’re yearning for some grounding practices to help anchor you and you’d like some guidance introducing rituals into your life, take a look at The Weekend Revival: Simple Rituals to Restore Your Spirit. This audio experience offers you eight simple rituals, spread over two days, to help nourish your body and reclaim your energy and inner peace.