When it comes to aging, we usually see two main messages:

1. Aging is a privilege

2. Aging is a crime

Many of us feel a deep sense of gratitude for being alive and for making it this far. But, because almost all of our societal beauty and body ideals are informed by a culture of anti-aging, we’re also condemned if we look a day over 30.

We find ourselves in a space of struggle as we deal with conflicting emotions. An empowered aging experience hovers like some kind of mirage in the distance. But we’re not sure how to get there. So we try to spend our way to self-acceptance by purchasing miracle cures which become our coping mechanisms for a completely natural experience that we’re taught to fear.

Here are 3 simple ways to begin to untangle yourself from the clutches of an anti-aging culture, and instead start to embrace aging with curiosity and confidence.

1. Understand what an anti-aging culture is designed to do

An anti-aging culture will try to convince you that you should spend countless hours (and $$$) trying to turn back the clock, because apparently that’s what’s going to bring you happiness. It’s not. It’s simply going to train your brain to focus on your so-called flaws and keep you from living your life with joy.

Because, guess what? If you’re obsessing over wrinkles then you’ve got less time and energy to do the things that truly make you feel good.

If smooth skin was really the answer to all our problems then why do we have teens, and even supermodels, with severe confidence issues?

Instead of spending your money on anti-aging creams, focus your attention on activities that boost your confidence in other ways.

Step outside of your comfort zone. Sign up for a challenge or an experience you’ve never tried before. It doesn’t have to be a marathon or something super time-consuming. Just make sure it focuses on how you feel, rather than how you look.

2. Stop following social media accounts that don’t make you feel good

Pay attention to who you’re allowing into your digital spaces. Is your feed full of influencers in their twenties, using filters and giving you skincare advice? That’s not going to help you feel good about where you are now.

Seek out social media accounts that truly elevate you and the stage of your life that you’re at. Look for authenticity and integrity.

You’ll know when you’re connected to the right people because you’ll come away feeling inspired and motivated after seeing their posts, rather than comparing your life to theirs, and feeling as though you’re coming up short.

3. Don’t play the numbers game

Your age does not define you. Nor does the number on the bathroom scales, or the amount of money in your bank account. We’re conditioned to believe that we’re only as good as our youth, our weight, or our wealth. As if our value could possibly be determined by a handful of digits.

These numbers are simply a snapshot of a moment in time. A single moment. And moments come and go. They’re fleeting.

The danger in attaching too much meaning to numbers is that we start to conflate our self-worth with them. We tell ourselves we’re not good enough because the number in front of us is too much, or not enough.

And even if all the numbers are lined up perfectly, they can’t ever remain exactly the same. Our age changes. Our weight fluctuates. Our finances shift.

Instead of measuring your life by numbers, try being curious about your experiences instead.

Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to help you feel more connected to what’s happening inside (as opposed to trying to measure what’s happening outside).

These questions are important because when we cultivate a stronger sense of self-awareness we’re less likely to seek external validation using snapshot methods that don’t offer us a complete picture.

• How would my body like to be nourished today? (this doesn’t have to be food related)

• Who am I with/what am I doing when I feel most content?

• What’s the one thing I’m not doing that I wish I was?

If you’d like some more support embracing aging, check out my popular pro-aging program, Visible. It’s helped thousands of women to ditch the shame about aging and feel inspired to age with confidence.