You’ve likely read a headline or three about Madonna’s appearance recently. After attending the Grammys she was subjected to a huge backlash for the cosmetic work she’s seemingly had, and heavily criticized for being “unrecognizable”.

She’s also been called a hypocrite for trying to look younger and succumbing to the very same societal expectations she’s spent her career challenging.

Madonna has always sparked controversy, whether it’s for kissing a Black saint in her Like a Prayer video, publishing a Sex coffee-table book, kissing Britney Spears, or pushing back against the patriarchy, she’s certainly not known for being meek and mild.

But even prior to the Grammys outrage, Madonna already had the internet in an uproar having just announced her upcoming Celebration tour in honor of the 40th anniversary of her music career. Immediately, there were calls for her to stop acting like she's still 20 years old and start heading to bingo instead. She was told she’s “too old” to be writhing around on stage and that she should “give it up, Grandma.”

So are we challenging her appearance, or her behavior?

As it turns out, both.

Many have openly expressed their disgust at a woman who’s “desperately trying to cling on to her youth”. Madonna is mocked for having the sheer audacity to go on tour at 64 (something the Rolling Stones and Springsteen have yet to be ridiculed for) and she’s also shamed for how she chooses to present herself.

Plenty of us are calling out ageism and double standards (myself included) and then being told it’s not about the fact that she’s had plastic surgery as much as the fact that she’s taken things “too far”. The suggestion being that having cosmetic surgery is acceptable as long as it’s not noticeable. So, essentially, something else women are supposed to do in secret.

Also, how far is too far? And who gets to make that decision?

Amidst the furore surrounding Madonna, there are continual cries of “But why can’t she just age gracefully?!”

Well, firstly, gracefulness has arguably never been Madonna’s motivation, and secondly, who exactly is allowed to claim that crown?

The average woman isn’t applauded for aging gracefully. That’s a compliment that only comes if we just so happen to have Michelle Pfeiffer’s bone structure or Jennifer Aniston’s genes. Which isn’t most of us.

When I’ve shared photos and videos of my slackening skin on social media, I’ve never been told that I’m aging gracefully, only that I’m brave. The underlying message is that it’s only graceful if it looks pretty.

We shame women for not aging gracefully whilst refusing to acknowledge that only a very select few are deemed worthy of that accolade. Isn’t it all just a continuation of control? A way of policing women’s bodies?

If anything, Madonna succumbing to the temptation to opt for cosmetic enhancements highlights how intense the pressure to retain a youthful appearance really is. So much so that even those of us who are calling out the insidious culture of anti-aging are not immune to its clutches.

And what about the women who do appear to be aging naturally, such as Sarah Jessica Parker? Are they faring any better? Apparently not. SJP regularly gets trolled for “looking like an old boot”, amongst other things. She’s told that “the years haven’t been kind to her” and that she “hasn’t aged well.” As though we are owed her attractiveness.

We can’t win. Not as long as we’re measuring ourselves against beauty standards that were barely attainable for the vast majority of us in our teens and twenties, much less now.

In fact, when I shared a video on the double standards that Madonna has been subjected to, I received a flood of comments about my own appearance:

These comments clearly show that it doesn’t matter whether we are household names or entirely unknown, whether we dress outrageously or “appropriately” - women are still continually criticized for our appearance.

Why does it matter what my hair looks like? Or my eyebrows? How exactly am I supposed to look before I’m allowed to speak up on a subject I’m passionate about (women aging with agency and choice) and not have to wade through irrelevant comments about my face?

I have never had any cosmetic work done and I never use filters (although I do use a ring light). But, then again, that’s not really the issue, is it? Because it’s evident that however we choose to present ourselves, whatever procedures we opt for or don’t opt for, there will always be people who jeer at us.

The irony is that being beautiful won’t save us. Because if they can’t pull our appearance to pieces they’ll come for our morals instead. Or our parenting. Or our politics. There’s not an inch of a woman’s existence that isn’t put under a microscope and examined for flaws.

Case in point, there’s a clip in Pamela Anderson’s documentary where the paparazzi are hounding her as she enjoys her first night out three months after giving birth. When she doesn’t play “nice” (and compliant) and pose for the photos they want, she’s verbally abused as the paps try to provoke a reaction from her. “Where’s your child at this time of the morning? Where’s your baby?”

Of course nobody asked Tommy Lee the same questions because nobody is making a moral judgment on men’s characters based on their social lives, or their clothing choices.

Let’s be clear, the internet frenzy isn’t about Madonna being unrecognizable, nor about her going on tour.

It’s about a world that wants women to fit into tidy little boxes and tiny little lives. A world that demands that we dance to the tune of the patriarchy, no matter how exhausted it makes us. A world in which our appearance will be judged regardless of how we age. A world that is so threatened by the idea of a woman showing up fully in her life that it will kick and scream in protest.

As Madonna herself said, “I think the most controversial thing I have ever done is to stick around.” Whatever anyone’s individual viewpoint, four decades later Madonna is still causing a commotion, and that’s pretty awesome.

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